The reason I am not sleeping is because I am not a lazy motherfucker and I did not stay up until 5:30 like they did.

I survived three days at this new job of mine, suprisingly so.

It is very difficult but it is kind of stressful being new and not knowing exactly what results I am supposed to be working toward. In any case, its very exciting, as brainwahsed as that sounds. As a matter of fact, I feel that I am undergoing some kind of suggestive brainwashing process, much the same as any new hire does when signing to a corporation dedicated to something they enjoy, i.e. if you don't really give a fuck about your job they way I didn't give a fuck about Amgen, you don't feel like you want to succeed at it.

That is the foundation of this brainwashing process I enjoy being part of this music industry and would like to at least hold my position if not gain one of higher responsibility. Doing this will require some lying on my part, like saying that a band is really great and that I am inspired by them when really I am not at all. Brian broke it down for me nicely yesterday on the drive here, I was telling him that I think he would be really good at doing my job or some similar job because he knows everything that is going on with all kinds of music and is constantly keeping himself educated. I thought the only problem would be that he would absolutely hate the bands he would be assigned to promote. But this isn't a problem, he said, as long as you can see what certain markets would find appealing about a particular band, then you can borrow their vocabulary and mentality for "promotional purposes only," so to speak.

I plan to adopt this idea and use it for work.

I have been worried that soon I will become involved more in my work that my personal tastes. This may also be a bi-product of feeling overwhelmed.

At least I am being yanked out of the rut I was in for the past year or so. I think I really need to have something that fascinates me and challenges me otherwise I just become a bag of guts and bones floundering around the paved surface of this Earth just wasting time before I die.

Up until now, that's pretty much how I have felt since the day I graduated.

31 August 2002 - 11:31 AM

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