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I have this friend named Brian and he is in alot of pain right now.

Sometimes I am mean to him because I can't see past my own feelings and because he has big ego.

I wish I could douse him with Pepto Bismol to make him feel better.

There is a thrift store near my job that I can walk to on my lunch break, so I went there to see if I could find a kitchy knick-knack to cheer him up. Brian loves a good piece of junk and he also hates things that are new so a nice second hand gift was the obvious choice. The thrift store had a lot of junk to offer today but very few pieces that were interesting. As the average decade of thrift store items progresses to times when manufacturing becomes cheaper, the thrift store shopping becomes more and more disappointing. Despite this, I managed to find the perfect gift; a candle likeness of a monkey wearing a red organ grinder suit! It was a good size too, probably about 10 inches, and with SUCH realistic features. The problem was that it was only $0.75 and all I had was cards. I went back to work to get some change and when I returned there was a fat, hairy man in a tank top that was really a converted T-shirt and a pair of sweat shorts that were really a pair of converted sweat pants. He was also wearing white high tops and Maui Jim sunglasses with pink and orange mirrored lenses. He didn't seem like the kind of man who would really appreciate a monkey candle. He would probably do something stupid with it, like put it up next to a framed poster of a sports team and let it get dusty. I thought that maybe he would just walk around the store with it and decide not to buy it so I followed him around the furniture section and into the kitchen accesories. After a while I think my stalking became a little obvious and I think he knew what I wanted. And then... he went to the cashier and bought Brian's monkey.

I considered offering to buy the monkey for $10 but of course I had no cash or checks just cards.

Oh the three C's of shopping, cash, check or charge?

I could just kick myself now. I should have hid the monkey when I went out to the car or yelled at the man "That's Brian's monkey candle, you rat bastard!" and ripped it out of his undeserving hands.

As of this afternoon I have resolved to start carrying cash again.

19 June 2002 - 10:56 PM

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Oh, brother.