I started to want to say thank you to the people who have caused much of those feelings. I wanted to thank my boss for choosing me to work with him knowing that I had no idea what I'd be doing and also knowing that much of his time would be spent training me and conditioning me. I wanted to thank other people too, not just him. He was just the biggest surprise on the list.

I came home to my apartment and immediately took Nathan out for a walk. On a normal day I would have gotten into the bed and slept for at least 1 hour, ignoring the poor dog. Later I think I read one full magazine article and a chapter of a book! Can you imagine? I have not had focus and deliberation like this in a good year and a half.

I am reminded of high school and how most days of my sixteenth year of life were spent drunk or on some kind of gateway drug. Toward the end of that year, I joined the swim team and wasn't forced to cut my drinking and such in (nearly) half in exchange for exercise. One day about 1 month into the team as I was driving home from school, I felt the fog clear out of my brain cells. I actually FELT the fog clear out, it felt like you feel when you drink a glass of water after being hungover or otherwise dehydrated, you know, you get all stimulated and out of breath and shit. After that, life was "anew." That's kind of what happened today.

But maybe this all didn't happen this afternoon because I do seem to recall this morning, walking into the office and saying good morning to people.

I starting to worry that maybe I'm dead and this is the afterlife.

I mean, it would make sense.

23 April 2003 - 8:16 PM

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