The other day at work, not this past Tuesday but the one before, I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom and she came in. We got into at least a 20 minute conversation. It was a "meeting in the ladies room" if you will. She was saying how she really wishes she picked me and how great she thinks I am and how she really dislikes the person she chose to move in. Apparently, the only reason she was apprehensive about it was that her boyfriend at the time had just cheated on her with a girl named Molly. Well, I can understand how that could make the stomach a little queasy and can't feel offended, afterall it was really nothing personal.
After that day, each time she sees me she reminds that she really wants me to come live with her. Its actually very flattering.
Herein lies the dilemma, 1.) what if she finds out she hates me for any of these following reasons:
a.) I am a dork who wastes of all of her spare time sitting in front of a computer screen or reading self-help books (well that started only recently)
b. She might get the impression that I am more of a woman about town than I really am, i.e. she might think I have a whole sleu of music industry friends or something.
c.) I purposely listen to bad music (read: KOST 103.5 soft rock) because I find it genuinely entertaining.
2.) Do I really want to move again? It is slightly less expensive, it would be nice to have someone around so that I don't have to be scared at night but do I want to move? Its so much work and I really need to just stop moving all of the time if I am ever going to just settle down and figure out who I am.
The fact remains however, that I always feel the reason I live alone is because the rest of the world finds me to be disagreeable. I know this is irrational but it is very strange to wake up to an empty house, I don't know if "lonely" describes the feeling, that's kind of a severe description. Maybe having a roommate that I don't know from before might make me feel more at home in LA. I was just saying to KH the other night that I don't even really feel like I live here.
Oh, what to do, what to do, what to do?
14 December 2003 - 10:33 AM
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