Daniel made a good point, about self-loathing...hating yourself so distinctly and for such specific reasons will lead you to seek out other people who hate you for the same reasons. Its something you can both agree on.

Its also funny that you can see someone, someone that you have virtually no good memories of, and want to talk to them and be near them and feel what you felt before but know that doing any of that would be more pathetic than anything. You can see someone and want to say hi but at the same time the sight of them makes you want to severly injure yourself just to have something else to blame the pain on. You can set yourself up for a night of crying and confusion but then you can go to your boss' house and walk his really cute dog and meet his really dorky, REALLY Hollywood-esque neighbors and then chuckle to yourself about them, go inside, update your web diary and get ready to go to sleep relatively carefree, just like you do most days (except for the ever-present fear of ghosts and aliens but at this point that goes without saying.)

I have really good friends, better friends than I have ever had and they keep me safe and protect me from my stupid self, as well as the really stupid characters from my past.

16 July 2004 - 1:12 AM

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