There was no one there to keep me company either. I would have known everyone there but I am not in touch with any of those people. There was no one I could call and strike a deal with, "Can we hang out together?? I don't want to spend the whole night drifting around." Arriving at the airport with no one to meet me...it all just seemed so weird and lonely. If Ryan could have gone everything would have been great though even still I think it would have been weird to ask someone else to pay all of this money to go see someone they don't know get married...in Arizona. Maybe if it were a vacation destination or something.

This will mark the third wedding I have not attended. Nikki's was in Eastern Canada so of course I could not go, esp. since at that time I really had no one to go with. I didn't go to Anne's, my friend from college, although it was only in San Diego. Again, I had no one willing to go down with me. I don't know what the protocol is for going alone. Of course, someone else's wedding is not really about whether or not I am alone, its not about me at all. However, sitting there feeling stupid, I would only add a bad element to the festivities. I would refuse to dance, I wouldn't join in conversations or get up from my seat.

I feel so so bad. I hope Dan wasn't too disappointed. Fred would have gone or maybe he wouldn't have. I am just shy, I have always been shy, I have always avoided these kinds of situations. My mom says that you always bring a stranger to weddings with you. She didn't understand when I explained I felt rude about asking someone to either spend $250 on a plane ticket or spend 20 hours traveling in a car and missing a day of work to go to a stranger's wedding. My old neighbors from Thousand Oaks would have been there. Most of them whom I cannot stand. In fact, most of his friends I cannot stand. I've gone as far as to call them retarded in fact. And this was the disconnect with Dan and I. He was not at all interested in bettering himself by eating healthy, thinking about politics, reading the news or anything else. He deliberatly tried to be a wasteful, ignorant American. Surely someone who would strive to own a Hummer one day.

I'm still so sad though. I will have to offer to take them out to dinner when they get back from their honeymoon. Maybe I should just have a strict policy, I don't do weddings. In the old days, like the 60s and 70s, everyone turned out for this kind of thing because people had more faith in marriages, people had more faith in religion. I can only speak for myself when I say I don't have much faith in either.

11 April 2005 - 10:15 AM

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