Her:"MOLLY WE'RE HOME."

Me:"I know."

Her:"WHADAYA DOING?"

Me:"Laying in bed."

Her:"WHY!?! ITS A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE. YOU SHOULD HAVE COME DOWN TO THE BOAT."

Me:"I get seasick remeber?"

Her:(in denial of the truth that I DO get seasick quickly changes the subject to food)"ARE YOU HUNGRY?"

Me:"No."

*****10 minutes later*****

Her:"MOLLEEE!!!"

Me:(being more annoyed by the second)"WHAT!?!"

Her:"I am making salmon. Are you sure you don't want any?"

Me:"YES! I'm sure."

Her:"I thought you liked salmon."

Me:(holding back the rage)"I do like salmon, I just don't want any right now."

Her:"But I am baking it in the oven, with all the veggies and peppas (peppers) and stuff like that."

Me:"alright just do it then"

Her:"So you want some?"

Me:"NO!god would you stop already? please?"

Her:"Ah come on Bun...its good for ya. It'll put hair on your chest. And by the way I'm not God I am your mother but thank you for the compliment."

Me:(rendered unable to hold back the rage)"MOM!! I AM NOT HUNGRY OKAY!?! AND WOULD YOU STOP WITH THE HAIR ON THE CHEST THING? I AM A FEMALE IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, I DON'T WANT HAIR ON MY CHEST."

Her:"fine Molly. But you're missing out on some real good stuff man. I tell ya that is some fresh salmon. Tastes like just plucked it right outta the wahda. Not like this other fish you get in the grocery store. Yeah we used ta get some fresh fish back in Montauk..."(starts to realize I am not listening turns to prey on my poor father.)"Remember that John?"

Him:"Patti please. Would you stop talking for two seconds..."(trails off as he makes his escape to the garage.)

******end of argument******

Later on I told her that I appreciate her efforts to keep me healthy but chest hair just isn't an incentive to me. I guess maybe in New York in the 50s and 60s when she was growing up chest hair was a real motivation but this is 21st century Southern California. People don't strive after chest hair as much as they used to. I didn't even get into the whole thing about "i'm not god I your mother."

At least she stopped telling me that eating "my" potatoes would make my boobies grow. All that took was me running away from home at the age of seven. And it wasn't even true! Because I never used to eat potatoes and my breasts still grew out of control and I never even wanted them in the first place. My plan was to cut them off when they started to show but I just never had the guts.

03 August 2002 - 9:32 PM

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