My eyes, as has been pointing out, are bleary and bloodshot and seem incapable of focusing on anything. My mind however, as demonstrated here, is feeling as sharp as a tack.

The heat has gone and caught up with me and has forced me to do crazy things at inappropriate times.

It would seem that I have such a high opinion of my decision making skills that at this point any decision I make I question not. At this realization, I find myself wondering if some of my behaviors at the weddings I attended this weekend were less than desirable.

At the first wedding, I was drinking as much alcohol as I could possibly consume, at the time I thought that everything thing was cool because, even at my top rate, I was consuming noticeably less alcohol than my tablemates. I realize that none of the other guests at the wedding could have known that I was the golden girl at the table, the shining example of etiquette. All they had to judge me by was a table covered with empty beer and wine bottles and my dancing, which isn't good anyway. Oh well, we made the wedding fun. We made the DJ feel that he was doing a good job. It was a celebration for crying out loud.

At the second wedding, my dancing skills had improved considerably due to the practice I got a wedding A and the instruction I got by watching a hip-hop aerobics video at the bar in a P.F. Changs in Sacramento. However, I was in the company of some very squirelly squirels, whose squirelly-ness always wins me over to participating in their antics. This time it involved piggy-back rides. No one really seemed to mind this too much.

At least I wasn't the one, yelling FUCK YEAH, YOU'RE MARRIED at the bride and groom during their first dance as husband and wife. No I was not that guy, but of course, I was seated at the same table as that guy. I was also not the guy who kept screaming at the DJ to play "White Wedding" by Billy Idol but of course, we were seated at the same table. I am also not any guy in particular because I am not a guy.

Ever since I have been fifteen, I have always found myself in rowdy company. I do not consider myself to be very rowdy at all, just talkative and experimental (meaning I like to set up experiments where I can observe behavior solicited by subtle harassment or an amatuer conspiracy theory.) Whenever, I am seen as a individual, I am judged as shy and reserved, as my true self I feel, but if in a group of friends, I am always seen as a ham.

It is inevitable that I am judged by the company I keep and therefore will always be known to strangers as a rowdy, uncouth, little scamp. You can be sure, dear diary, that I do not mind this, no I do not mind it one bit.

12 August 2002 - 4:27 PM

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