I will mention the heroin addict (i'm not sure this is true but he exihibits signs of heroin addiction; emaciated, incoherent, etc) who comes to our door looking for cigarette butts. I'd like to offer him some though I've quit smoking myself (except for the occasional, defiant work cigarette.) RNB would be livid if he knew...actually no he wouldn't be because RNB does not get livid. The heroin addict kind of leaves a pit in my stomach, a pit that feels sympathy and also scorn. Mostly scorn to be honest. Yeah. Life is hard and its painful. Probably more painful for others than its been for me. I feel powerless as an individual to change those circumstances that will lead a person to heroin addiction in the first place. It seems so 90s to me yet I am sure there are young people honing addictions to heroin even as we speak. Possibly one of them is Paris Hilton...though who is to say really.

I don't want to hate anyone anymore. I want to pretend I have no feelings so everyone can be happy and be friends and so I never have to let go of anyone ever again.

PS - John and Pat and Fred are my favorite people but there is a whole group of close seconds.

21 September 2004 - 11:19 PM

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